Thailand has a huge and very vibrant gay scene, much of it not seen by the visitor. Areas away from Silom/Suriwong in Bangkok tend to attract mainly locals, while the bars around Silom/Suriwong are popular with foreigners, and those locals who are attracted to foreigners.
Gays can be divided into four main groups:
The cash rich middle class who socialize amongst themselves and meet in main stream hotels and restaurants or in friends' homes;
The poorer gays who can't afford to go the gay pubs or clubs and who socialise amongst themselves in friends' rooms or street side eateries;
Local guys who enjoy the scene away from foteigners:
And the group who are most familiar to resident ex-pats and visitors alike - the guys who spend much of their time in the bars, clubs and discos of Silom/Suriwong in Bangkok, Patong in Phuket; and South Pattaya.
This latter group is divided into 'money boys' and the guys just out for fun, but it can often be difficult to tell who is who. Thai guys are extremely streetwise and adept at using visitors to their advantage. Money boys can both be guys working in the massage parlors or go-go bars, or 'freelancers' working the pubs and bars in search of a trick.
Many waiters in gay pubs and restaurants are 'on the make' in one way or the other, and often have a string of foreign so-called boyfriends spending generously, but who are completely unaware of the existence of each other. Can you imagine how a waiter earning about 5,000 baht per month can afford to wear gold necklaces, gold rings or genuine designer clothes? These guys are very, very street wise and extremely well practised in charming the money out of you - Mom needs an operation, or my wallet was stolen and I can't pay the rent. (see The Wallet)
The two groups of the middle class and the poor are very dfficult for foreigners to penetrate (sic). The poor guys usually can't speak English and can't afford to go a disco or drink in a bar, while the monied middle class tend to steer clear of known gay haunts used by foreigners.
Age of Consent
The age of consent is the age at which Thais get their national identity cards (ID Card - "Butt Prachachon"), so if in doubt ask to see an ID card. Although these documents are written in Thai and use the Thai year, you can work out your friend's year of birth by deducting 543 from the Thai year shown on the card. However, sex with anyone under 18 is only legal if both parties are under 18. It is unsafe and unadvisable to go with anyone under 18.
The also law states that the age of consent for prostitutes is 18. The term prostitution can be interpreted to mean that any form of financial transaction that takes places in return for sex amounts to prostitution. So, if you buy your friend a meal after you have sex with him, it could be included. Also many foreign countries forbid their citizens from having sex with 'minors' overseas, and the term 'minor' can mean different things in different countries. Beware !
Cruising for Sex
Thailand must be one of the most cruisy counties in the world. It's very easy to meet guys almost anywhere, on a bus, on the street, in a shopping mall. It's just a matter of eye contact and a little discretion. Western men should know that the 'hard stare' is disliked and may be considered hostile. If you make eye contact with a guy who seems interested, smile !
It's not advisable to deliberately go cruising at night in parks or away from the main gay areas, as crime does exist and foreigners can be easy targets. Shopping malls (if you are discreet) can be rewarding during the afternoon, evening and at weekends and are reasonably safe. In Bangkok, Sanam Luang and Lumpini Park can be very risky after dark, but Silom Road, Suriwong Road and the connecting sois are pretty safe both day and night, as are the shopping malls, but be sensible. Cruising in "tearooms" or "cottages" is considered dirty, unpleasant and unhygenic by most Thais, although it does go on in a small way.
Gays Online
Many Thai men use the internet to make contact with others. There are a number of very busy Thai language gay websites where locals meet each other. Many others also use chat rooms and online dating sites to meet new friends in different countries.
Meeting someone in a chat room can be problematical as guys tend to be less than truthful about who and what they are, and dates made can often be disappointing.
Dating websites such as Dragoncastle are both popular and successful in terms of putting people together, although there are always a few brain dead guys who think its fun to post phony ads or lie about themselves. However, if you are careful you can meet some genuine guys through online personal ads.
Relationships
Many Thais develop relationships with men of other nationalities, and some Thais move abroad to be with their lovers, and some foreigners move here to live with their Thai boyfriends, but not all Thais like westerners, many prefer other Asian men.
Most young Thai gays are seriously looking for a 1-to-1 long term loving relationship.
Relationships between Thai men and western men can be passionate but short-lived. One of the many problems is the cultural divide. The huge differences in eastern and western cultures, languages and lifestyles, can eventually cause strains between eastern and western men, who think very differently and have different values. While many relationships endure, many more fail.
Thai men often accuse western men of being selfish and western men often say Thai men are 'butterflies', and vice versa, but these views are often a cultural perspective which each side finds difficult to understand. Thais can be just as selfish (but about different things) and western men are just as keen to play the field. If you are thinking about starting a serious relationship, think very carefully before you take the plunge and be prepared for a rocky ride. (see 'Don't make promises' below).
Don't Make Promises
As we noted earlier, culture, expectations, beliefs, customs and the way of life between Thailand and western countries are hugely different.
Don't make rash promises to your new Thai friend unless you are deadly serious and you are very sure that you can carry your promise through.
Promises made are expected to be carried through, whether it's giving money, buying a new shirt, a trip to the movies, or a trip abroad. Thai view a promise is a promise, not a casual remark to be discarded later.
Getting a visa for your Thai friend can be a serious problem, so don't casually say you will bring your friend to visit, or live, in your home country until you're 100% sure that's what you want, and it is realistically possible. Thai's have a very difficult time getting visas for many western countries, most especially the US, UK, and France.
Don't make a date with a guy then break it off to meet someone else; you'll be in the blacklist very quickly and get a bad reputation.
Show your Thai friends the respect you would show any of your western friends. And respect the cuture and way of life. A relationship is 50-50, inrespective of who is richer.
If you are serious with a guy, make the effort to visit his home, where ever it maybe. You'll learn a lot.
Go-Go & Host Bars
Go-go bars are pretty obvious places, with touts outside offering 'boy show' or something similar to passersby. In Bangkok, just one Soi (small side road) has about 8 go-go bars side-by-side all offering much the same fare, with many others scattered across the city. (Almost all bars and clubs in Bangkok close at 1am, or just a little later)
There are also some so called 'host' bars where the guys are fully dressed and will sit with you. Otherwise the procedure is the same as a go-go bar. Host bars can sometimes be a bit more expensive than go-go bars.
Start by asking the price of a drink. (All drinks, coke, whisky, beer etc are the same price). If its much over 200 baht, you are being ripped off. If you feel happy about the price then go in and take a seat. Its usual to run up a tab with the bill for each drink placed in a holder on your table. You settle the tab before you leave. Most places have some kind of raised platform or small stage where the boys 'dance', usually wearing a swimsuit or shorts. Each guy will wear a number and will be available to 'off', the expression used when you want to take the guy out for sex. If you like the look of a guy, it's advisable to talk to him first. You can ask the waiter to call him over. If you change your mind give him a small tip, maybe 100 baht. As it's a business transaction, no-one loses face.
If you decide to 'off' him, you'll have to pay the 'off' fee (sometimes called a bar fine) which shouldn't be more than 400 baht or so. This money goes to the bar and not to the guy you are 'offing'. If your new companion discusses his price with you, then your choice was not good. The normal way is to take him to either your hotel or to a 'short time' hotel without talking about money. When you have finished you pay him what you think he was worth, anything from 800 baht up to 1500 baht. If he stays overnight then a higher price would be appropriate, along with paying for his breakfast.
If you want his company for a longer period then agree his fee in advance, but you will also be responsible for all his expenses, such as food, drink, travel and maybe a few small gifts. Bewareof health risks when having sex with these guys and be sure to practice safe sex.
Massage
Massage is a part of Thai culture, but the kind of massage offered in gay massage centers is rather more than cultural. If you want a real massage, then say so when you go in; they'll find a guy who can give a good Thai massage, although all the masseurs in gay centers have been trained in massage techniques to some extent. And now there are more 'genuine' health and massage spas springing up catering to gays.
The usual situation is that you pay an admission fee (which depends on the time you want and the type of massage you select), pick a masseur from the guys waiting around or from the 'menu', get changed into a towel and take a shower. You'll then be shown to a room with a massage bed and the door will be locked. Its then up to you what happens next. In any event, you'll be obliged to 'tip' your masseur after your hour or so with him, and some places specify a minimum amount. You often also get the use of a sauna after your massage, and some places have nice coffee shops where you can relax for a while.
The same warning about safe sex applies here too.
Saunas
Thailand is famous for its gay saunas and almost everyone has heard of Babylon, the queen of them all, but there are at least 15 other gay saunas of all qualities and sizes around Bangkok, with others in Pattaya and Chiangmai. Some of them offer massage and some don't. Some are very classy and some are very sleazy. The most popular saunas in Bangkok are upmarket (but not expensive), with excellent decorations and well maintained facilities.
On entering, you pay a modest admission charge, collect a locker key, go to the locker rooms and change into a towel. Shorts and g-strings etc are frowned upon, as is wandering around naked, except in designated "no towel" areas as Thais are actually very modest about nudity. You can then explore the facilities, such as the steam room, the sauna, the jacuzzi, the restaurant, the lounge, the terraces, the cruising areas and the private cabins. In Thailand, unlike some European countries, you don't occupy a cabin until you've found a partner and any 'activities' are confined to dark areas and the cabins. There's no question of paying anyone for sex here. Saunas are one of the few places you could meet genuine ordinary Thai guys.
Note
Some Bangkok streets consist only of entertainment venues. Some of these streets have checkpoints at the entrances where police or security guards can check the ages and identity of anyone entering, and have the power to refuse admission. Be polite and you'll have little problem as long as you are aged 20 or over. One of the odd things about this is that employees of the pubs and bars only have to be 18, which means they can't go to the place they work at on their day off!.
Also be aware that some areas have video survelliance security cameras, including Silom Soi 2, Patpong 1 & 2, Thaniya, and Suriwong in Bangkok, and Sunee Plaza in Pattaya.
